Randimosity Thursday.

.. have you ever wonderd something random...? Or had the most random thought.. that's my life.lol & since I refuse to get and keep up with a twitter yet.. ill jus share them with u guys!

Thinking..... I had the pleasure of meeting one of the most beautiful chocolate men on the planet... We are cool but I feel the need to inform him of his greatness!.. Id like to tell him how gorgeous yes... I said gorgeous..he is...

I just like to look @ him and dream of the day ill become his African Queen.

That If I was an easy whore...Id find ways to get him back to my dorm & umm hmmm... you know the rest.

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Fuck this shyt.

I let you irritate the fck out of me.
I see you and my stomach drops.
All is fine & dandy until I come across you.

So I ask myself....

Am I really over it like I thought?
See the problem is.. when you are trying to seperate yourself from someone,
you're supossed to disconnect yourself, remove yourself from the situation,

Problem is....

We have been and still continue to walk on the same path of life, which makes it hard.
I want SOOO bad to be over with this shyt... like its old..DEAD & GONE..broken record.

What am I supposed to do like..uhh!

Haha B!tch.

When I finished my letter to my Ex. I realized that this was never intended for him. He did not need to even see this. The letter was for me to vent & let go. I felt so much better. I feel soo much better.

FUCK YOUR CHAMP ASS!

. Let me not be rude because no matter what. I am a respectful young lady.

But

I dont really give a damn. Through writing my thoughts and feeling down, I gained a better understanding as to why I was/am soo fixated on a nigga who brought me soo much pain. I rather not say why becuase that shyt is just too personal but in a nut shell, it was a depression/ self-esteem issue that spiraled out of control.

I have identified when & why I lost myself for a while

It seems as if it took him comming in & fucking up shyt..with my self-esteem plumiting..depression out of control.. for me to come out of it

Like on some real shit. I hit damn near rock bottom.

Not just over a nigga

But in general

There's a Smile on my face now!!!

Haha Bitch.lol

Scratch List.?!.

Lacy Monroe.

I'd say about January, I made a list.

The list was comprised of some things that I wanted to accomplish by the end of 2010.

Some spiritual.

Some materialistic.

Some sexual.

Some of everything.

So far, Ive moved pretty far & quick down my list.

I made a note to:

Let only what you can control be on the list.

For you shall except the things you can not change.

Place them in God's hands.

I long ago learned that..things and money can only bring temporary happiness. I was reminded of this principle after I checked off each accomplishment. It would bring me joy only for a while..then I was back feeling like I was stuck and not going anywhere.
I like my little list and it brings me some comfort to know that I'm moving forward but I'm wondering..where does it end?

Deeper as IT GROWS.

This Love is Deeper than anything I could imagine.

Deeper than I bargained for.

I accept who I am to you.

I accept who you are to me.

But IF&WHEN..that man comes

Who isn't afraid & is understanding

I will not pause

For I am I lover

Not that half assed shyt.

If You cant handle..Since you arent ready

I Decree

The next one will BE

& i fall..again

"When our guys act up and we still choose to deal with them, have sex with them, cater to them, and allow them access to our heart, we aren't sending the message that we love them and down for whatever... we are sending a message that we stand for nothing and will allow anything..."--Keenya

* I had to borrow this quote from one of my favorite blogs( she borrowed) it too... So I log on here for the 1st time in a week and some change and this is what I 1st see...wtf

& I keep questioning why words like these keep knocking me upside that head? Everyday or so something comes up that has to do with my relationship. It gets to the point where I'm like WTF is going on here? I'm SO fucking sick of this thing we got going on here. I feel like a broken record for Gods sake.

& I cant figure out why when it comes to him that I loose my balls. I keep myself in the situation. Seeing the other girls on a daily.Smiling in my damn face. My friends don't know how I do it. keeping it 100. Knowing what and who he's doing. Then I had the nerve to slip up and give in to my desire and give it to him.Afterwards feeling so disappointed in my self.I know damn well that the easy way out would not be to just up and walk away because that's hard as hell..BUT its been nine damn months...enough to cook a baby.

Falling NLoVE.

"guys fall in love with their eyes & girls fall in love with their ears..soo girl don't be stupid when he tells you everything you want to hear"

Cant Tie Me Down

Maybe its just me but Ive got a lil problem with this song.

(Verse 1)(Legacy)

Know we been together for a minute
But a, it's kinda been forever since we been in
The kinda situation not involving other women
And it's pretty obvious that you're kinda trippin, like
"Who the hell is this bitch lookin a hot mess
What you fell for this chick"
You know we got problems and you failed to fix it
I'm like, "you need to go somewhere else with this shit
Cuz I aint gon put up wit you
Talkin bout how she make you uncomfortable
I mean, shit I'm only 17
And um, a perfect couples only in a dream
And right now I'm pretty much away fo

(Verse 2)(Ben J)
Ha, Ha
aye girl waddup
No I'm not gon make a scene
Buh you cant tie me down like a pair of shoe strings
Yea you cute, so what
But let's get it through your head
Yea we make love, sex weed all in the bed
It's the best and I love her but things dont change
When I'm not faithful you be feelin ma pain
Now you stuck like a stain and I cant believe that
Baby girl one hundred,I aint tryna do that
Got too many girls and I aint letting go
Cuz my life is great and you aint nothin but a hoe
Yea you come to my shows and you very supportive
Just showed me a camera and my show recorded
It was nice, I'm surprised that you still standin here
As you know I'm a man and I have no feelings
Imma start from the top, girl this aint no lovin
Im a New Boy, girl so
r this relationship
I think we should wait for it
I mean later we can try things out
But not right now



Boy.. get the fck out of here with that. I understand they are young like around 17/18 years old but, Im SOOO tired of niggas. They want the girl-looks,emotional support,sex- but NO relationship..NO commitment..because he doesn't want to be tied down. Well maybe you need to be by yourself...then you wont have to worry.