IDK..hurts

I gave it all to you because I thought we'd be forever inLove

That crazy no one can love me better Love.



Couldn't tell me nothing & you couldn't do no wrong.

If only I could have seen the Bullshyt all along.


Just a minute..




There's no way I could blame this all on you.

I stayed to play "good wife" but was really the "fool".



You see..when you came into my life

I was a hopeless little girl, who had everything in the world...

Still lost and unhappy

Depressesd and you found me...



The wholetime we both knew something wasnt right,

we continued to fight, for the idea of being inLove.



Stuck around long after it came crashing down,

scared the pain of being w/o you would hurt more than the pain of being w/ you...



If only I knew..



It was an accident...We

Never meant to say Ilove you...

Never meant to fall inLove...

Maybe I could have saved myself the heart ache..but Im two years too late.

Love you I do

I thought it was just one & two
me & you
but the whole time I wasn't enough for you
the love I gave wasn't enough to stay true

**ATTENTION**...Not my work..it belongs to her>>> Click HERE ..The words sum up my feelings..there are from her August 8th post .Tymon.

I wanna Go to Beautiful.

The time is right
I'm gonna pack my bags
And take that journey down the road
Cause over the mountain I see the bright sun shining
And I want to live inside the glow
Yeah

I wanna go to a place where I am nothing and everything
That exists between here and nowhere
I wanna go to a place where time has no consequences oh yeah
The sky opens to my prayers

I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,

Please understand
That its not that I don't care
But right now these walls are closing in on me
I love you more than I love life itself
But I need to find a place were I can breathe
I can breathe

I wanna go to a place where I can hold the intangible
And let go of the pain with all my might
I wanna go to a place where I'm suspended on ecstasy
Somewhere between dark and light
Where wrong becomes right

I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful

Mmmmmmm... beautiful...


-BEAUTIFUL: By India.Arie

This song explains where i am in my life to the " T". I feel so stuck. left behind and I just want to get a move on with my life. But it seems as though everytime I try to take a step foward, I end up taking two steps back...

Untitled prt 2

I want to swim farther... but Ive never been there before.
You see.. thats the shallow end.
for 12 years ive been treading water in this deep end I call my life.
Barely able to stay afloat.
Barely able to catch a breath..
When it gets to hard..I close my eyes..and sink to the bottom.
Knowing the deeper I fall.. the heavier the pressure.
My body gets loose. my thoughts become a blurr...just like I like it.
I know I have to breathe but that would invovle me going to the top..& thats a no no.
So I enhale anyway..

At one point or another..I think to myself..."this is crazy.. come up!"
....so I do..I manage to come up. manage to climb the ladder out..

I stand & look at the water..thinking a million thoughts at once..all lacking words & substance.
I begin to wonder.. Will this be the cycle of my life??
Will things ever get better?
What is the brite side people rave about?
If this is all life has to offer.. Id rather sink....






NOTE: after reading this. I noted that it sounds a little suicidal.Dont worry..Makeda is not by far.

{untitled}

When I close my eyes, the darkness gives weight to the light.

A paradox of a distorted reality shines through.

The obtuse line between reality and pretend begin to blur and memories bleed from the conscious.

As I open my eyes,I snap back to "reality", wishing it was neither here nor there.
Beyond the light into the permanent

IAM

So Im wondering who IAM and where IM going..
Dont want to stay here... anywhere but here.
If I go there will I find myself there?..will I like what I see?
If I stay here..can I handle what I see?
I cant answer these question because I dont even know who IAM..
But I know what I see

OR do i just not like who I am here..
So I think that if I go there.. what I see will be ME?


Is what I see really who IAM?.. You tell me.
Is who I really AM..what I see?.. You tell me.

On second thought..never mind beacuse who we see are two different people.
So I guses you cant help me and your opinion doesnt really matter.
Beacuse I know who IAM and I like what I see.
Dont want to be here.. anywhere but here.
But if I go there will I like the me I see?
Will it really be me?
Or jus some slap-dash representation of me?

The Makeda I SEE is who I want to be.
Is the Makeda you see a true representation of she?
Do you know who you are and where you are going?
Is the you..YOU SEE..who YOU want to be?

I wonder why I feel.

Why I feel the way I feel....





As I sit here and cry about my life.....the tears that roll of my freckled cheeks numb the pain. When I think about my life as of 16 years today.. I think Whoa!.

How did I make it?

Why did I make it??

The reason maybe besides the piont.